Originally posted on Poetry Et Al:

ImageCourtesy: writeabetternovel.net

ImageCourtesy: writeabetternovel.net

A prophet’s words are nothing of his own like the words that drop from the tip of a writer’s ink. Both are borne of a greater will and must exile their hearts to places unknown. As the beads that outline and define the contours of a woman’s waist, they are vessels that must make more room for one more and be the edge that will lead frail hearts on into believing what exists, what doesn’t, or even both…who cares?

A writer is what I say we all become, out of too much knowledge when what we see isn’t what we think we see and what we are isn’t what we see ourselves to be. When ordinary words begin to weigh too much on us and go viral like that madman who roamed my mother’s village telling us that his father wasn’t the son of his father…I laugh. Words!…

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the post i’ve been avoiding


Does God really care about your religion?

Originally posted on shift:

temple Do you ever struggle, no, not with what to say, but how to say it?

My whole life I’ve been a pleaser. A goodie-goodie. A teacher’s pet. No, not on purpose. I’ve never taken a teacher donuts, but I have always done my best. I studied hard and made good grades. I never partied, even in college. I’ve never smoked a cigarette, and the only piercings I have are single holes in my ears.

I was raised Seventh-day Adventist, and Seventh-day Adventists just didn’t do those things.

The only area in which I’ve ever been a “rebel,” really, has been in my thought patterns. At fourteen I fell in love with a young man who would eventually choose to become a Catholic priest. Talk about challenging your faith. The Adventist church preaches that the Pope is the Antichrist predicted in the Books of Daniel and Revelation. How could an Adventist…

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The Love of Football

Originally posted on SAINT VIOLA - THE GREAT:

I’ve often found it quite baffling
People’s immense love for a sport
That’s nothing more than ball handling
And a thunderous crowd of rare support.
Male and female, old and young
The spirit takes over their hearts and souls
Holding them captive, and quite overhung
Until the scoring of the goals.

Have you noticed the deserted streets
On a day a match is to be played?
Have you observed the loud drumbeats
That accompanies a team-win parade?
I ask myself, is this love or is this obsession?
Is this fan sell-out without discretion?
That a ball-engage in a ninety minute session
Would elicit from so many, such weighty expression.

Football binds the country, they’re quick to say
Football is an antidote for dismay
Whether to watch or whether to play
Football reigns every day.
At this point, there’s nothing more that I can say
Other than pass the ball, and…

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Celebrate Life

Originally posted on SAINT VIOLA - THE GREAT:

Saint Viola

Birthdays are special times in our lives
To celebrate the gift of God that is called life
Birthdays are special moments in our lives
To recount with joy the goodness of this life
Not that it’s always been so full of roses
Or there’ve not been situations that get up our noses
But we’ve by grace sailed through life’s courses
And triumphed in glory over contending forces
So, we celebrate the fact that we’re alive
That we reign and rule, and more than survive
We celebrate the love, the care and all things sincere
Outpourings of our hearts that we happily share
And we celebrate the One who gives us strength
For every single day we’re on earth.
Happy Birthday!

© VIOLA AKHIGBE, March 2014
Educationalist & Word Artist

Viola’s Celebrate Life was also published in THE NATION Newspaper on Wednesday, March 12, 2014 (Pg. 48) – http://issuu.com/thenation/docs/mar_12__2014/48?e=2832369/7060523



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‘if’ by Rudyard Kipling

Originally posted on The 'Soopa' Blogger:

Dedicated to my beautiful son…..Kai


If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master,

If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ‘em up with…

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What Does it Really Mean to Be In Love

IMG_3408Because the only love I experienced before being with A was the ‘unrequited love’ type, I can feel that I have something missing with him. I am not in pain with him, I do not think about him every second of the day, I do not crumble when he does not text me back. I know it sounds silly and I am clearly looking back with rose-tinted glasses because I also remember that it’s a genuinely awful feeling, too. All the same, my wounded self is shouting so loud that what I have with A is NOT what I want. It shouts saying ‘I want someone that makes me melt’ ‘I want to feel proud of his incredible handsome looks and show him off’ ‘I want a man that is on a pedestal that I can worship, and never fades’.

I know that this is an unhealthy part of me, one that I would really like to shed, but it’s persistent and assures me that this is what I want. My wounded self tells me that that is what it is to REALLY be in love.

- An email from a client, published with her permission

This is certainly what our culture tells us it means to really be in love. We learn at a tender, early age that being in love means drama, chase, and delicious, exquisite agony/ecstasy. It means worshipping the object of your desire, being inspired to write angst-ridden love poems about your cherished beloved, always feeling proud to be attached to this person as if it increases your worth or status in some way. It means you miss him desperately when he’s away; it means you feel almost painfully attracted to her every time you see her. In short, it means a feeling.

The truth, however, is that being in love has nothing to do with my client’s description above. What she described is an adolescent infatuation that seeks to find validation, aliveness, and connection through the gaze of the beloved. She’s describing a state of longing that is often misunderstood as being in love. This adolescent infatuation in ultimately a self-serving experience where the lover or pursuer seeks to fill her or himself up by receiving the approval of the beloved or distancer. There is nothing healthy about this state of what we call being in love. It has nothing to with giving and everything to do with taking.

So if this isn’t what it means to really be in love, what does it mean?

This is how I see being in healthy love:

  • Being in love means that you’re committed to the practice of learning about love.
  • Being in love isn’t exclusive to romantic relationships. We fall in love with our children, with new friends, with pets, with a stimulating dance or yoga class, with life itself.
  • When we talk about being in love, we’re referring to the strong feelings of joy, warmth, and sometimes ecstasy that bubble up from the heart in the presence of the beloved (again, not necessarily a romantic partner).

Like all feelings, these “in love” feelings are transitory. Every mother has had the experience of “falling out of love” with her child (a painful transition that deserves much more awareness and conversation in this culture). Likewise, if you had an in love phase with your romantic partner, you will inevitably fall out of love at some point. This is when the real work of learning about love begins.

Here’s my definition of being in love: The sweet and sometimes subtle joy that springs up from an open heart when the fear walls fall away and you connect to the warm current that runs inside your soul. You can experience this feeling when sitting in nature, gazing at your newborn, or holding hands with your partner. It’s an experience that is born from the fullness of your heart and leads to loving actions in service of others.

Where being infatuated comes from emptiness, truly being in love comes from fullness. Where infatuation is an immature state of being that seeks to take, truly being in love is a mature state of being that seeks, above all else, to give. When your fear walls and protection systems come down and you learn how to fill your well of Self, the state of love in which we are born naturally overflows toward others. We long for the feeling of being in love as proof that our relationship is valid, that it will withstand the test of time, and as a way to fill ourselves up and feel alive. But what we tragically and culturally fail to grasp is that it’s only when we learn to express love as genuine care and concern for another’s well-being do the feelings that we long for bubble to the surface.

And here’s the good news: Learning to soften your fear walls and fill yourself up so that you can experience being in love are skills that we can all learn! When it comes to intimate partnerships, there are certain Love Laws and Loving Actions that, when practiced daily, will open your heart and allow you to see yourself and others as you really are.

If you want to learn to dismantle the unrealistic blueprints and expectations you’ve absorbed about love, sex, and attraction – expectations that are quite possibly creating a barrier between you and the loving partner in your life – and learn the Love Laws and Loving Actions that will soften your fear walls, I would love for you to join me in my next round of Open Your Heart: A 30 day program to feel more love and attraction for your partner.